A State Of Crisis
by Foxissofoxy
Summary: Michonne and Rick meet again 12 years later. AU and Possible OCC. Puzzle piece writing. Snapshot. Proceed with caution. Edited for errors Chapters 1,2,3 so far 04/19/2017
1. Chapter 1

_A State of Crisis_

 _Snippets of conversations, interactions, to create a picture of Rick and Michonne in AU. Snapshots. Mere Glimpses. All done in hindsight with no true reference of time. Proceed with Caution._

...

"Tell me that ain't..."

"It is."

"Friend, when did this shit happen?" Shane had a look of surprise on his face. He halted in his tracks.

"A couple of weeks ago," Rick stated flatly the lie he had prepared just then, unable to keep his feet moving forward when Shane abruptly stopped walking.

" _Now_ you are telling me this shit, _and_ you expect me to believe it? I don't think it is good to lie outside of a church." Shane narrowed his eyes on to Rick who leveled his eyes away from meeting.

"There is nothing to tell." Rick began to pay careful attention to the church steps and then the parking lot where a white Mercedes pulled in and parked. Michonne had arrived like she said she would.

"Man, the shit it took for you to get over her... How long has it been?"

Rick did not respond to his childhood, college friend who was also his co-worker at the sheriff's department.

Daryl strode up looking uncomfortable with the aspect of actually venturing inside of a church. He wanted to support Carl who he considered family.

Michonne was approaching, and Shane watched her shorten the distance to where they stood.

"Are we going in or we going to listen to them from out here?" Daryl asked ready to make his way up the church steps.

"Rick and Michonne are back in contact with each other," Shane said as a matter of fact that caused Daryl to pause and look from Rick to the parking lot based on Shane tipping his head in the direction of Michonnes approach.

"What the hell?" Daryl couldn't believe what he was hearing and seeing. Daryl was full aware of that relationship. It wasn't good to see Rick in a way about her and how he was too stubborn to do anything about it. Rick wouldn't make it right then, and he knew it _would_ be right twelve years later.

...

Deanna was a renowned couples therapist. She even had a radio show that featured on the weekends that was very popular. All of her spare time went into getting her book finalized, and her gratitude towards Rick and Lori for participating along with Mike and Michonne did not go unremarked. Deanna knew she had to change the names of the characters in the book. Her gut told her it would be an instant best seller. Two couples both trying to save their marriage. They were desperate to do so, and she felt she could help. She was determined to help them to re-bond, and the only way to do that was to get everything out in the open, each held naked and draped in their truth.

...

"Oh, my God Rick! I got the job. I got the job! Management level." Lori was ecstatic.

"That's good. That's real good Lori." Rick was surprised by the news, and he felt her excitement, and he returned it in kind by softly kissing his wife of nine years on the lips.

"I am so excited to have something to look forward to outside the home." Lori squealed. "The pay is great, and we can finally move out of this neighborhood."

Rick chuckled, "Eventually. Don't you want to at least have some time on the job first, to make sure it is a good fit?"

...

I hated living in that house. I hated the neighborhood. It was like everyone around me had no ambition. I wanted more and Rick was fucking content at being Deputy Sheriff with his childhood friend Shane. I didn't even tell Rick I applied. I didn't say to him I was looking for a job, that I no longer wanted to be a housewife that took care of a raggedy home that had seen better days during a long ago era.

...

"Michonne...don't you walk away from me. Don't you think I should have some input on you taking a hiatus from the law firm?"

"I am tired of neither of us having time for Andre. He is nine years old now, and I am no longer going to disappoint him when he expects one of his parents to show up to his football games. Take him to soccer practice or at least pick him up. It shouldn't be the neighborhood good mother of the year to do it when I am more than capable of keeping house and taking care of Andre."

"It was your fucking idea."

"Andre is here. Now fucking deal or leave. I am not going to keep going through this shit with you Mike."

"Why is it so easy for you to say that? To tell me I have a choice? I didn't have a choice when you decided to keep the baby, but now I have a choice to suck it up or abandon my son, give up our marriage...Fuck you Michonne."

...

"They have a hiking trail and a very extensive jogging trail in this community. You will certainly find the amenities to your liking, Mr. Grimes. I really would like to welcome you to Alexandria Commons or will you be in Alexandria Estates?" The cute blonde sales representative kept smiling dreamily at Rick in the sales office.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Lori asked her tone brusque. Lori leaned in closer to get the name on the badge, "Jessie Anderson."

"I'm sorry, doing what?" Jessie feigned ignorance.

"Always directing your response to my husband? We are here together. It is certainly not his pay that would get us in this community." Lori snapped.

...

" We have been in this neighborhood two months now, Carl. How do you like us living here versus where we were?"

"Better than where we were before, and I also have a new best friend?"

"Oh yeah?"

"His name is Andre. He likes the same stuff that I do."

"He likes comic books?"

"More than that Dad. He loves sports and singing."

"Really?"

"He asked me to join the Church Choir with him."

"Church?"

"Church Choir. He has just convinced his mom, and I am hoping to convince you to let me or I will have his Mom come over to do it. She can be pretty persuasive. Andre gets it from his mother."

"Where do they live?"

"In the more expensive part of this community. Alexandria Estates."

...

"Rick! Stop, this is serious; I want to go to law school. I want to become a lawyer. I don't want to move to King's County because you woke up this morning with an epiphany that you want to go into law enforcement. I am not playing with you."

"Then where does that leave us Michonne?"

Michonne threw the keys that hit Rick in the face she was so mad.

...

"Lori, I wanted, to begin with, you. I want you to tell me just a little bit about yourself. About your marriage. About your family. Begin wherever you would like. If anything is unclear, I will ask questions."

"All of this is going into your book?"

"Only things that will be enlightening. So how about you begin wherever you consider the beginning?"

"I met Rick after he came out of a bad break up. We dated for a few months. I got pregnant, and we were married. He just joined the sheriff's department. Rookie. I had a son...we had a boy name Carl, and he's 12 years old right now. I was a stay at home mother for the first nine years of his life. Money was tight. We lived in a manufactured home in the beginning and then we moved to my dream community Alexandria Commons. Everything seems like it just happened. It was life."

Do you believe that things just happen or that we set the stage for things to begin?"

"I have never given it much thought if you are putting it like that."

"Were you happy?"

"In the beginning yes. I would say I was happy the first seven years of our marriage and then it was work. We had to make a conscience effort to make it work. To be together."

"Why do you feel that? Why was that something you felt or that you would call work?"

"I was in love with Rick. I thought Rick was my soulmate until he told me he wasn't. Until he said that I wasn't his soulmate."

"How did that make you feel?"

"It hurt."

...

"Soul mate? Do I believe in a soulmate?"

"Do you? Do you think you have ever met your soul mate?" Deanna asked Rick.

"I have met my soul mate." Rick conceded.

"What was that like?"

"Is this necessary to discuss?"

"Why do you find it unnecessary?"

"I met Lori. I married Lori. I eventually loved Lori the way she deserved to be loved. I was prepared to spend my life with Lori and that eventually..."

"Eventually she would what?"

Silence.

"What are you thinking Rick?"

"She...Lori...I had told Lori that she wasn't my soul mate and that I wasn't her's. I told her that the whole soul mate shit didn't matter because after being married as long as we had...It just didn't matter because we were married and planned to be married until one of us croaked."

"She said, you told her she was not your soul mate."

"Lori and I would still sometimes argue about it. I know I hurt her with that."

"Truth hurts, more than a lie," Deanna stated as she held Rick's eye contact until he eventually looked away.

...

A/N: I have been lost reading other fanfiction and failed to keep up with my own. This story is intended to be an exercise on the brain. Think of it as cards on a table in no logical order or puzzle pieces that will or may snap into another one and another one where eventually you will get the picture and then maybe not. If it makes your head hurt don't proceed it may get worse. Nothing new but the retelling of the same thing...Meaning taking pieces from all my stories and meshing them here.

I am updating The Check as well as Two Islands , The Cat and The Mouse.


	2. Chapter 2

"The future for me is already a thing of the past -  
You were my first love and you will be my last"  
― Bob Dylan, Bob Dylan - Love and Theft: Piano/Vocal/Guitar

...

We got new furniture too, Lori?" Rick stood outside on the lawn looking at six burly men, and two Furniture trucks pulled up along the front of the house.

"I wasn't going to have that old stuff that was handed down from your parents and my parents in our new home."

"How much all this stuff cost?" Rick stood in shock at some items that were being taken out of the trucks and into their new home.

"Don't worry about it, Rick. I got it all on my credit. Nothing to do with you. You will like the chair I picked out for you though to have in the man cave."

...

"Do you believe in soul mates?" Deanna asked Mike.

"No."

"Describe Michonne to me. Describe Michonne exactly how you see Michonne."

"She is a perfectionist. OCD. Smart. She is physically fit. She loves jogging. It was one of the reasons she was hell bent on moving to Alexandria Estates."

"Is that it?"

"Yes."

"Describe Michonne as your wife."

"She is...Michonne is an excellent wife. I have no complaints, and I want to work through this whatever is happening to our marriage before we just give up...I am willing to look passed everything." Mike was uncomfortable with the questions and with the honesty that he had to provide.

"Tell me about your son."

"He is a handsome devil. He is 12 years old and smart. His name is Andre. He is good at sports. My boy is all natural, but his passion seems to be singing in the Church Choir. Andre is good at everything that he puts his mind too. He loves to sing, and he likes sports. I support him in whatever he chooses. I will always be there for him."

"For someone who didn't want children..."

"I had a grandmother, Granny Mabel who always said, 'Beware of any woman that gives you something you never intended to have or never wanted. You will be damned'.

"Interesting, I have never heard that concept or line of logic before."

"I never wanted any children. I have been trying not to resent Michonne for that."

"How has it been working out?"

Silence.

"I don't think you understand. I never wanted kids, but when Michonne and I started dating, she was pregnant within the first three months. I wasn't planning on marriage, but she wouldn't get the abortion and with the pressure from both sided of our families, we married. Married twelve years, and it has been rocky the most part because I still feel like she changed what I envisioned for my life. It is still a sore spot for me."

"Twelve years is a long time to be stuck with the feeling you have expressed. Did Michonne know that you didn't want children?"

"She knew. I think she didn't give a shit."

"You honestly believe that? Do you honestly think that you weren't responsible for the pregnancy?"

"What Michonne and I were doing wasn't serious at the time. I was a rebound. She said she was using protection and putting it simply- the condom broke. I didn't just rely on Michonne."

...

I graduated Harvard top of my class, recruited by the top Law firm. Mike was on a fast track at the law firm as well, and with Andre, I wanted to be there to raise him. I didn't want to continue to miss out on all of his achievements. I didn't consult Mike. I just stopped and became a housewife. Not what Mike envisioned. He wanted the power couple persona. I regret sometimes being married to him because..."

"Because of what?"

"I didn't love him. I would look at him sometimes and wish he was someone else?"

"Anyone in particular?"

"Yes."

"Still?"

"Yes."

"Do you realize this affects how we proceed?"

"I understand."

"Are you prepared for all of that?"

"I am."

"Does your husband know that you are no longer on the journey to healing what's broken between you and him and that you would like to proceed with a divorce?"

"No."

"Does the person you want to continue the relationship with know?"

"No."

...

"Rick has a metal box in his closet that he has locked. It is the size of a shoe box. He keeps mementos that he doesn't allow anyone to see. I threw it away once. I think we were four years into the marriage and he threw a hissy fit beyond all fits. It's like the box had a magnetic alarm and that told me he looks at the box often. Luckily it was retrieved on top of the trash that very same day. It was the first time he cursed at me. He said some awful things.

No one was ever allowed to know what was in there and out of the twelve years we were married I never pressed. Just figured as much it would be something I didn't want to see. So Rick kept it hidden in his shed and when we moved to the new community he kept it in his closet.

One day, about a month or so ago he left the box open; he had forgotten to lock it and put it back. I got to see who his love was. I got to see her face. I got to see how they were before I was ever in the picture. He had photos with her sitting on his lap. He had pictures of them in a picture booth making faces and kissing. There was an old flip phone with probably some message and three unopened returned to sender letters that he had sent to her. Also, a necklace that had the letter M and R.

I know he was aware that I must have been in the box because I closed it and put it back in the closet under his sweaters where he would keep it. I did wonder what prompted him to go through it or just leave it open."

"How did you know something had changed with your husband? What was the defining moment?" Deanna asked.

"When he started going to church."

...

"I don't believe in a God."

"Then you can sit next to me in the church. We should have a good time amused by the others." Michonne joked. "But it is not about going to church service as much as your son Carl want to sing with my son in the Church Choir." Michonne stepped into what Rick considered his personal space again. He didn't know what signal she was trying to send him and he couldn't move to put the space back between them as they stood in front of his home.

She had on the perfume that she wore many years ago. Rick didn't realize he had agreed because his mind was reliving events on when they were together 15 years ago and he didn't even realize he had said yes to Carl participating.

"I thank you for allowing him to go and join. There is a church bus that will come and pick them up for Sunday School and Choir practice. All you need to do is attend and support your son since this is something he wants to do and it hurts no one."

"So, I will be sitting next to you?" Rick was in a fog. She smelled so good and her lips...

Michonne couldn't help feeling the heat rise in her body as she watched his eyes leave her eyes and go to her mouth. Something he would do when he was about to kiss her when they were dating years ago. He loved to kiss.

What she remembered was that he was an excellent kisser and she had to shake that thought from her mind, and she took a step back.

She wasn't ignorant of the implications when she responded jokingly, "Only if your wife is not in attendance and my husband is not in attendance."

The look he gave her made her hope that his wife would never be in attendance.


	3. Chapter 3

"I am glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say."  
― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

...

You are the best boyfriend I have ever had."

"I am the only boyfriend you ever had." Rick kissed the tip of Michonne's nose.

"Still you are the best." Michonne kissed his nose, cheek and along with his jawline.

"What else do you want to do to celebrate?"

"Let's get Tattoos."

"You want to?" The suggestion surprised Rick.

"I do."

...

"I sometimes wonder if that was why he was not so gung-ho about moving from our first home into the new community. I wonder if he knew she was there. That she lived there and that was why?"

"Do you really think it wasn't a coincidence?" Deanna smiled across the room at Lori who checking out the books that were on the shelf in the office. Lori couldn't sit. She paced and gazed at a book long enough to appear as if she was going to select it.

"According to Carl, it was."

...

Every woman with Dreads reminded me of her. Every brown skin reminded me of her. It didn't help when Carl, my son, asked about love. My first love. He wanted to know how did I know I was in love. It made me think of her. Love had me reminiscing to the point I pulled the box that I kept locked out of my closet. We had his and her closets now...the new home. I didn't have to keep it in the shed anymore. The locked box of her. Pictures, mementos, memories that I kept locked away.

...

"You said you wanted to talk. Ask me anything, Lori. Ask me..." Rick sat on the passenger side while Lori decided which parking space to take up at the park so they could have the conversation that he was dreading. That she was dreading.

"How long has it being going on?" Lori prayed that she would stay calm and collected. She didn't want to be hysterical or a raging lunatic. She wanted to approach it rationally, but for whatever reason, she wanted to know all the sordid details not sure how it was going to be beneficial to know that he preferred Michonne over her. How much sex did they have? Did he like it? What positions? She knew even if she asked, even though he was the one claiming to be ready to talk she would never get those answers.

"Less than a year."

"How often?"

'Every chance we could get' was what Rick wanted to say but didn't say.

"Have you had sex in the house?"

Silence.

"Did you fuck her in our house?"

"No."

"Has she been in our home?"

"Yes."

"She's been around Carl?"

"Carl and Andre are friends. They go to the same school. They are in the same sport. Choir."

"Ahh...Choir. Church. You of all people going to church. Who convinced you to do that? Now I know who would have been able to persuade you of all individuals to step foot in a church."

...

"You know I must be fucking in love with you to do this right?" Rick stood in the one bedroom apartment smiling at Michonne.

"I love you. Show me yours, and I will show you my tattoo."

Rick's pelvic hair was shaved where a katana was drawn, and Michonne 's name was engraved on the length of the blade. Michonne lightly touched the painfully looking red skin the black inked drawing. For the amount of money, they spent they received excellent detailing from the best artists in the shop that night. The size was three inches.

"Let me see yours," Rick commanded. Michonne always kept her Pelvic hair shaved with the perfect landing strip of hair. She had a Colt with Ricks name engraved on the handle tattooed. Rick lightly touched the tattoo after Michonne had hissed from the pain. He fell to his knees because he wanted to kiss her pain away as he pulled her leggings further down and she had stepped out of them and kissed her lightly on the Colt and blew air hoping to cool it. Rick felt her tremble instead. He picked up her leg and prompted her to rest it on his shoulder as he began to bury his face and tongue way past the landing strip and into her folds. He stayed there until she no longer felt the pain.

...

"I didn't break up with you Michonne. I didn't step out on you. I loved you and what did I get for it..you hit me in the face with the keys Michonne. I had to get stitches. I still have the scar. 12 years later."

Michonne stepped to Rick for closer inspection.

He didn't expect her to take her hand and trace the almost there scar. The whole thing caused his heart to race. He didn't step back nor did he flinch. Rick didn't know he was holding his breath as his heart skipped. Days later he could still feel the ghost of a touch lingering...

...

"You should introduce me to your husband." Rick looked around the well-maintained home that was larger than the one he lived in with Lori.

"When you introduce me to your wife." Michonne countered as she watches Rick nervously stand in her foyer.

Rick was aching badly to reach for her but thought best to keep his hands in his pockets.

"But we aren't doing anything Michonne. Why does it feel like we need to come clean about something?"

The silence between them at the statement alone was real. Nothing physical had taken place, but the idea, the dreams, the unspoken made it more of a lie somehow to even deal with the question.

"You still got Andre and Carl tomorrow as planned?" Michonne opened up her front door to walk him back out of her home.

"Yeah. I will sit in on the boy's practice and bring them back here if we don't get sidetracked to pick up pizza or burgers. You want me to get something for you?" Rick offered.

...

I knew it was wrong. The moment I opened my door and let Rick into my home. I knew it was wrong when he would send me a text and I would respond in the night. I knew it was wrong the moment I told him that I wasn't as happy as he thought."

"Did you at any time have to explain to your husband your relationship with Rick?"

"I had no idea how we were to account for this shit to them. I know if the shoe were on the other foot I wouldn't buy two exes being together as much as we were together as something that is innocent."

"When did it stop becoming innocent?"

"The moment he said my name."

...

"So that is going to be the first two things that come out your mouth Rick? My name and my dreads? Get over here. Give me a hug. It's been twelve years."

"I missed you." Rick felt Michonne pull from the embrace. She smelled like what he remembered from years ago. Her scent and having her in his arms jolted his heart. The pounding made him feel like he was resuscitated somehow. He didn't think about what he said it was just what he felt that seem to rule him.

"Rick that was a horrific breakup."

"It was." Rick agreed with Michonne.

"How long did it take for you to recover?"

"I never did."

Michonne was startled by the admission playfully tapped his arm hoping to swat away whatever was lingering to reconnect, "You are married, Rick. You got over it. I am married, and I am so over it."

...

"I ran into Michonne on the jogging path. Carl was in school, and I wanted to take some time to work off some steam.

Lori and I didn't see eye to eye on quite a few things. She was working longer hours. Traveling for weeks at a time and missing out on everything all in the name of being able to live in Alexandria Commons and having the Joneses keep up with us. The spending and lines of credit were mind boggling based on my salary alone. Lori was in her third year at her job and never once complained. I was the complainer. I wanted her home in the evenings. I didn't want to Skype in the night or maybe a phone call in the day talking about her job and how taxing it was, but she was getting accolades for a job well done. To this day I am not exactly sure what Lori does.

I needed to make my mind clear. I ran that whole trail which is 8 miles. Never done it before. I would usually run halfway and turn back. I was annoyed that day, and it helped push me. I wanted to run away from my life where I felt...dead.

We were moving in opposite directions. The closer physically fit figure came closer, the more I began to realize that it was Michonne. She didn't notice me until she passed right by me and I stopped and called out her name.

...

"We are fucking here Lori. This is the community you wanted to be in, and we guess what? We are fucking here! What more do you want?"

"I want you to stop talking to Jessie. That is what I want Rick. She brings a basket over here when she knows that I am not going to be here. Who does that but a fucking tramp."

"A welcome basket is what they give out in a community like this. I asked Jessie to come in, and I offered her coffee. I am glad to know that you don't trust me."

"I don't trust blondes that blatantly don't hide that they are trying to seduce a married man."

"I don't want the blonde with the gift basket that she dropped off to three other people across the street from us. I don't know how to make it understandable to you Lori, that I do not want Jessie."

"I will say this plain to you, Rick, I don't want to come home to find Jessie here. I don't."

"I don't want Jessie."

"Oh...you want whoever is in that Locked box you have in your damn closet. One day you are going to come home Rick, and that box will be gone. I will toss it myself at the landfill."

"You would have to be home to do that Lori." Rick voice took a tone that was lower and his face heated and caused his eyes to become an icy violent blue.


	4. Chapter 4

"A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man."  
― Charles Dickens

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"Rick, what took you so long? I have been standing out here for twenty minutes." Michonne stood in front of Rick's studio apartment building in tears.

"My car wouldn't start 'Chonne. I was at work and I called Daryl to pick me up so I could come and get you. You weren't where you said you would be waiting."

"My parents have kicked me out the house, Rick. I have no where else to go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Babe do you think we could get a babysitter for Andre?"

"Why?" Michonne asked.

"I need you on my arm at this function where all the political players will be. I could go alone but it is a plus one."

"When is it Mike?"

"Tonight."

"What time Mike?"

"8pm."

"It is already 6pm. How do you think I can just do this without notice?"

"Well you stay home and take care of Andre. I would think you would be able to..."

"Fuck you Mike. All you had to say was that you were going to a function instead of pretending you wanted me to come. No...wait I got one for your ass. I _**am**_ coming and who ever the bitch that keeps prank calling put her ass on notice."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Why are you here and not at work?"

"I live here silly. Good morning to you too." Lori took her key out of the lock and came inside. Rick took her luggage from her. "That was a long flight. I am so glad to be home. I missed you Rick." She kissed his cheek.

"Something smells good in the kitchen." Lori turned to Rick who was walking passed her to put the suitcases in their master bedroom.

"A casserole." Rick responded. Heart racing hoping Michonne knew not to come with Lori's car parked in the driveway. His phone was on the kitchen counter and Michonne was to arrive in 5 minutes.

"You are baking casseroles?" Lori eyes widen in disbelief.

"For the church. Mi-I mean the church members enjoyed it the last time and requested a repeat for the prayer group." Rick was amazed how he put the lie together so quickly without stuttering.

"You are in a prayer group?" Lori couldn't contain the laugh that roared from her.

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I was twenty years old when I met Michonne. I was twenty years old when I fell in love with her. I had two jobs at the time and I was going to a community college. I was a store assistant team manager and I was working at my friends Daryl's family auto repair shop. She came into the grocery store to buy Big Kats with her friends Andrea and Sasha. She came in often enough that I felt comfortable trying to strike up a conversation when she walked down the candy aisle that I was replenishing.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen. I will be 17 next week. My friend Andrea is throwing me a birthday party at her house since they have a pool. You can come if you want. Bring any of your friends if that will make you comfortable."

Everything about her was perfect. The way she had her hair always pulled back . The shade of her brown skin that was unblemished. Not one single pimple. Her smile, Her eyes and the way she looked in her school uniform.

"I don't know. I will be twenty one in a month. You all are so young."

"We are partying not having sex silly."

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"Hey, Dad do you mind if Andre sleeps over?"

"No, I don't mind." Rick tried to put batteries in the remote that was no longer working to change the channel to the new television that he had mounted above the fireplace. The new home, the new neighborhood would take some getting use too. The commute to King's County for work was easy but what was literally one mile was now 20 miles one way.

"Thanks Mr. Grimes." Andre stepped forward.

Rick looks up to see a tall gangly teen with short cropped hair still in his foot ball uniform smiling at him.

"Your welcome, Andre."

"Do you need to speak to my mother to make sure it is okay?"

"Do _I need_ to speak to your mother?" Rick was wary of meeting one more woman who wanted to chat, sneek a peek or just plain flirt with him.

"No, sir. She just dropped me off."

Carl went to the window where Michonne waited in her car and waved as a signal that all was good.

"Where do you live son?"

"In Alexandria estates, sir. A four mile jog if you take the back trails."

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I met Rick when I was sixteen and he was twenty. I had the biggest crush on him but I thought it would be Andrea that would snag him first since he talked to her the most. He would look at me and then look away. I just figured, Andrea was probably more his type. I knew I wanted him to be my first everything. I had never been kissed. I have never held hands with a guy.

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"He is so into you, Michonne." Andrea yelled up to the balcony from below.

"Stop it Andrea." Michonne's heart raced as she tried to decide which bathing suit she would look best in by primping in the mirror.

"He says he is coming with Shane and Daryl tonight to your birthday party." Andrea began decorating around the pool with Sasha. Placing streamers and balloons along the border of the houses and the pointy birthday hats on the table where the cake and punchbowl would go.

"Rick's coming?" Michonne felt panic setting in. "Do you think, I should wear the two piece black or the turquoise with white bathing suit?" Michonne yelled down from Andrea bedroom balcony that overlooked the pool.

"You look hot in either one Michonne." Sasha turned the boom box down to have less shouting and also because she hated a particular music genre that Andrea seemed to be fascinated with after she messed around with Tyrese.

"Yes. I had to remind him that you are Seventeen today though, because he thinks he will get in some type of trouble. Yay!" Andrea clapped her hands excitedly.

Andrea got all the lounge chairs around the pool with the help of Sasha positioned just right. "I told him that they will need swim trunks if they plan to swim in the pool and that no adults would be around so if they have access to alcohol it would be greatly appreciated." Andrea beamed at her two friends.

"Shane and Daryl are twenty one, right?" Sasha asked. Sasha had a crush on Daryl but she would rather die first before she would ever let anyone know he was her dream guy that she would give her virginity to if he was inclined to want it.

"Andrea is making us all jailbait...ughh. I was suppose to be the only jailbait!" Michonne pouted down by the pool watching her two friends finish with the last touches.

"Michonne, don't go over analyzing things and ruin your day. I have my eyes on Shane and I will be 18 next year and hopefully he would be more amenable to hooking up because right now he is so not taking a chance." Andrea stated.

"We will all be 18 next year. What is this about not taking a chance...did you try something on him?"

"Yes," Andrea admitted, "and I failed miserably."

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"Rick, tell me about your first love and how it compares to how you feel about love now." Deanna turned her recorder on because it was something that she would want verbatim if possible in her book.

"My first love was Michonne. She was my everything. I got attached to her pretty quickly and we were together almost...we were practically inseparable. I loved her and would have blindly followed her to edge of the earth and if she would have said let's jump, I would have. I would have without a doubt. I still have the tattoo that proves that my first love made me the most happiest, reckless, careless, emotional and possessive dick around."

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"If we get arrested, Rick my friend, I will kick your ass." Shane pointed his finger at Rick who drove them there in an old pick up truck that he borrowed from his father while his car was in the shop. "You owe me big time for just coming out here let alone getting out the truck..." Shane was evidently nervous. He wanted to have a job in law enforcement. He didn't want to get in any more trouble.

"We partying in this neighborhood? Who the hell do we know that lives this good?" Daryl leaned his face closer to the truck window to peer out at what had to be a mansion. You sure that we degenerates belong here? This could be the easiest place to bring attention to ourselves and be immediately arrested. I would be headed to adult prison and I promise you I will kick your ass Grimes after Shane finishes."

"Andrea's house." Rick pulled into the driveway where there were several other cars and music blaring in the back. "She's the one that brought her convertible Saab for a tire change and she had her two friends with her...Michonne and Sasha...they had on their private school uniforms."

"Which one was Sasha?"

"The one you like." Shane smirked at Daryl in the backseat.

"I don't like no Sasha. Hush that kind of talk. If my family could hear you say such a thing they will take you behind the garage and teach you a lesson about going outside your race." Daryl said almost seriously but the tone indicated he was definitely mocking. "Darker the berry sweet ass juice..That is one hell of a beat down I am almost willing to take if Sasha gave me any indication I had a chance." Daryl eyes lit up.

"I can think of several charges we could be brought up on like, underage drinking, providing the alcohol to minors, contributing to the delinquency of minors, underage sex..." Shane listed off. "Under age sex for you and Rick. Them girls ain't no way legal."

Rick sensed Shane's apprehension. Shane would usually be ready to party if the crowd was of age and consenting but this smelled bad from a mile away even to him but he wanted to see Michonne. "How about we just stay for a few minutes and if it really doesn't feel right we just leave?" Rick suggested.

Rick opened the driver side door and was relieved when Shane and Daryl followed suit. Another crowd of kids that appeared to be between 17 and up arrived with bathing suits and towels. Shane and Daryl left the alcohol in the truck. Neither wanting it to be traced to them for providing it.

Inside the house was very nice like in a magazine nice.

"If my brother Meryl wasn't in prison and he saw this opportunity he would rob this Andrea person blind."

Everyone was having a goodtime hanging around the pool. A few had on birthday hats. There was a small table that had a nicely decorated birthday cake along with spiked punch and plenty of finger food.

Shane and Daryl mouths were agape at the scantily clad females that were dancing and having a good time. They immediately took a seat and enjoyed the music and the crowd that wasn't as rowdy as they expected...yet.

Rick scanned the crowd looking for Michonne. He couldn't pinpoint her until she came out of the pool in a white and some type of greenish blue two piece bathing suit. Her hair was pulled up higher on her head. Her legs, her ass, her just the right size breast...They locked eyes. He couldn't move and neither could she.

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Michonne: Why are you texting me? I just saw you.

Rick: I was thinking about what you said.

Michonne: And?

Rick: Just wanted you to know that...

Michonne: Know what?

Rick: I messed up back then.

Michonne: You weren't all to blame.

Rick: I didn't break up with you Michonne back then.

Michonne: I never broke up with you neither.

Rick: I want to say I am sorry.

Michonne: I am sorry too.

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Michonne: Are you sure you will be able to have me over?

Rick: I made the Casserole.

Michonne: Yum.

Rick: I dropped Carl and Andre off to have a sleep over at Noah's house.

Michonne: I'm nervous.

Rick: I can't wait to see you.

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Rick: What are you doing?

Michonne: Texting back and forth with you.

Rick: Will I see you tomorrow?

Michonne: We see each other everyday.

Rick: I bet your smiling right now.

Michonne: No I am not.

Rick: Yes, you are.

Michonne: Maybe a little bit.

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Michonne: My husband is back.

Rick: I haven't seen you in a week.

Michonne: He is home. He took time out to be home and now we are in the Florida Keys.

Rick: How much longer?

Michonne: We will be back in the morning. I will go on my morning jog. The five mile point


	5. Chapter 5

"True love, like any other strong and addicting drug, is boring — once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome… except, of course, to those who share the kisses, who give and take the caresses while every sound and color of the world seems to deepen and brighten around them. As with any other strong drug, true first love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners.  
And, as is true of any other strong and addicting drug, true first love is dangerous."  
― Stephen King, Wizard and Glass

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"I love making love to Michonne when she is in to it. I did notice a change and I couldn't narrow down exactly what I may have done or said to make her flinch. She had become less relaxed about being intimate with me.

I have cheated on Michonne twice in the time we have been married. She knows of once and I was willing to leave my marriage during my first affair but the other person was just playing games. The other woman just wanted to know how easy it would be to get me in bed. I was a dog with my tail between my legs when I came back to Michonne. It happened in the first 7 years of our marriage. When she stopped working at the firm I started something with someone else who wanted me to leave Michonne but she wasn't worth me leaving my wife and Andre. I just needed her for sex when there was a drought between my wife and I. I have been seeking comfort from one other person but we never consummated and this happened. The reason I am here in this counseling session. "

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Rick: I don't regret it Michonne.

Michonne: I know.

Rick: How?

Michonne: Because I don't either.

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"Lori, I am going to step out for a minute." Rick peered in the kitchen dressed in his jogging gear and immediately headed to the door.

"Sure, Rick. " I responded to my husband. It crossed my mind that he was doing a lot of jogging lately and paying very careful attention to his hair when he wasn't wearing his baseball cap.

I was standing in the kitchen doing the dishes, even though we have a dishwasher, I just prefer to do them by hand. Anyway, I finally got a chance to meet Andre. He was sitting at the kitchen table with Carl helping him with a math problem. I couldn't help but smile listening to their constant banter behind me and when I turned to look at them, I was struck by their similarities. Slight, nothing that was very obvious unless they were side by side. The two really looked like they could be related. If it wasn't for Andres darker skin they could possibly be brothers.

"Do you know you two look like you could be brothers?" I looked at my son Carl and Andre.

"Mr. Greene, our physical science teacher says that all the time." Andre remarked.

"It would be so cool to have a brother. Andre is an only child like me." Carl looked from Andre to me because I couldn't help but stand there looking weird.

"It is a known fact that we all have someone out in the world with similiar features. Eventually there are only so many variations to a face and hair texture."

"You have cool hair."

"I hate it. I wish it was like my Mom's so I could wear dreads. My dad says I get this texture from his side of the family because his great, great, great grandmother was indian."

"Really?" I responded.

"Nothing my Dad says is scientifically sound and he has no proof."

"What does your dad do?" I asked.

"He is a corporate Lawyer. My mom is too but she took time off from her career to take time to be a quote 'Good mother' unquote."

"Where do you live Andre?"

"Alexandria Estates."

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"Thank you for the necklace and the Big Kat bar." Michonne sat on the edge of Andrea's bed. The music was loud enough to hear through the closed balcony door but there was a slight difference in the volume that was noticeable.

"Happy Birthday Michonne." Rick sat next to her. They sat staring at each other. Rick began to lean in just an inch at a time closing the distance between his lips to hers.

"Are you about to kiss me?"

"I don't know." Rick was still hovering, looking from her eyes to her lips.

"You keep looking at my lips." Michonne stated nervously.

"I was wondering if they would stop moving."

"You want me to stop talking?"

"Yes...so I can kiss you."

It was my first kiss. My very first kiss and it was on my 17th birthday. I had no idea what I was doing and it was kind of awkward because I wasn't sure if it was evident that I have never been kissed before. He was slow with me. Pressing his lips onto mine. His lips were soft and his breath was nice. I could feel his energy. He was just as nervous as I was. I felt my knees go weak when he tipped my chin up and my lips parted and his tongue entered. It lit something up inside of me as he tasted me.

"You taste like cake."

I was breathless and trembling against him, "because I like cake."

"I want to kiss you again."

"Why don't you?"

"Because your lips keep moving."

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"You are pregnant by that boy ain't you?"

"No, bigmama."

"Yes you are. You listen to me and listen to me good." Bigmama stopped rocking in her rocking chair and said solemnly, "If your granddaddy gets wind of it you can be out of a sizeable inheritance. You are already on rocky ground with your own daddy fooling around with that white boy, letting him distract you. Too much money on the line, be smart. Find someone quick and lay up with him. Make sure he is a decent fella but he must be black. If you going to do bad you might as well be with your own kind. Nothing worse than doing bad outside your race. You ain't too far along where you can't pull it off." Bigmama got up from her rocking chair and sat next to her grandbaby and hugged her as she wept.

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"I can't keep doing this with you Michonne. I need you to fucking tell me what you want?!"

"You should know, Rick!"

"I need to hear it, damn it. I don't want to guess. I don't want to assume. I need you to tell me that you want this. That you want me. That you want us. Tell me what you want me to do?"

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"I wonder sometimes why I chose to hold my breath for so long. That's what it felt like to me."

"Interesting way to put it. When did you realize you stopped holding your breath?" Deanna offered Rick a bottled water.

"When she came back to me. When ever I am with her. When ever I would talk to her. Hold her. Kiss her. Make love to her. It is the only time I can truly exhale and breathe."

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"Hi." Michonne walked up behind Rick who was kneeling as he stocked the candy on the lower shelf.

"Hi." Rick immediately recognized the voice behind him and turned to face her. "I haven't seen you since the party. You haven't come in the store in over two weeks."

"I was grounded." Michonne was embarassed to inform.

"Really...Sorry you got in trouble."

"Alot. My dad wants me to stay a way from Andrea."

"Did you get arrested?"

Michonne nodded, "My dad picked me up at the police station." Michonne did not disclose that her father was a very prominent judge or that the person who arrested her got in more trouble for doing his job."

"Shane smelled trouble and he was ready to go so we left. I am sorry. I should have..."

"What?"

"Got your phone number."

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Daryl cracked back, "Your wife really needs to put down the cheeseburgers and step away from the table."

"Fuck you." Shane was embarassed but it was true. His wife had gained more weight and it was alarming. People would never guess that Denise who dropped off a bag of fast food was his wife.

"You were talking about my mama Pattybelle you should know I would come for your fat ass wife."

Shane was about to say something when he got a ping on his phone that his facebook friend request was accepted. "Andrea accepted my request."

"Andrea who?"

"Andrea Martell. She's the one that was jailbait back in the day."

"What made you think of her?" Daryl asked

"Rick over there trying to look like he is working but I blame him for bringing in the blast from the past with Michonne so, I thought I look Andrea up."

"I heard my name." Rick slides his chair over to Shanes desk at the sheriffs station.

"Damn. How is it she still has a nice ass shape?" Shane began clicking through Andrea's photo coming across some of Sasha and two of Michonne.

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"You have your own place Rick?" Michonne studied the sparsely decorated studio apartment that had a sofa bed, a television,a desk and a tidy kitchen.

"Yes." Rick closed the door behind them and made sure it was locked. "You will let me know when you are ready to go okay? I don't want you to get in any more trouble."

"I wanted to see you for your birthday. Happy big 21. I have a present for you." Michonne turned to face Rick.

"You don't have to Michonne. We can take this really slow." Rick was nervous with where this was headed as he watched her begin kicking off her shoes and unbuttoning her top walking back over to him where he was still standing by the front door. "I am not trying to rush things but I want to know if we are dating, exclusive, each other?" He stumbled with his thoughts based on viewing her colorful bra against her dark skin.

"We only kissed one time. We held hands only twice. We have been to the movies a few times. We been out to eat several times. I am not sure what constitutes dating but I only want to be with you. Are you turning me down Rick?"

"No...I just want you to know that bringing you here I wasn't implying anything. I..." Rick lost his concentration when she kissed his neck and bit his chin causing him to bring his mouth to slam down on hers for the most passionate kiss of her life.

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"So what happened after church?" Shane asked his partner Rick as they sat in the cruiser together waiting for someone to speed.

Rick began to feel uncomfortable.

"You two at it again?" Shane asked not taking his eyes off the radar gun in his hand.

Rick couldn't think of a way to change the subject now that Shane was in his mood to listen.

"She looked good strutting up to us from the church parking lot." Shane held the radar gun aimed out the window. He glanced over at Rick and realized he wasn't going to get a response. "Michonne defintely knows how to fill out a dress." Shane continued."Luckily your son did not need you to pay attention because your eyes were definitely not on him when he did his solo."

"That..."

"I give you two weeks before you will be fucking again."

"We have. We are. Been for a while now." Rick responded honestly as he looked straight ahead at nothing in particular. Relieved in a way to be able to talk to somebody about it.

Shane didn't turn to look at Rick. He knew that Rick just dumped his burden right on his lap.

"You going to need to tell Lori. You going to have tell Lori, Rick. Shit."

"We are going to counseling."

"For what?"

"To see if we can save our marriage."

"Was that your idea or Lori's?"

"Michonne."

"Yeah. You are going to have to tell Lori to be prepared for a divorce." Shane shook his head.

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"Slow down Michonne." Rick tried to hold Michonne's hips still.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to cum so quick." Rick strained to not lose control and to stave off his impending climax.

"How long do you want me to..."

"Fuck woman..." Rick began pounding into Michonne. His hips moving at a rhythm that instantly had her experiencing her own orgasm in the most intense way. "You still can't just stop moving... Fuck."

It had been a long time. A very long time and he knew he was done for. He shivered at how powerful it was to be with her again, to be inside of her. He was home. There would be no one else for him.

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Rick: Are you alone?

Michonne: Yes.

Rick: I miss you.

Michonne: We were just together.

Rick: I know.

Michonne: Will you please go to sleep.

Rick: I can't.

Michonne: Put down the phone and close your eyes.

Rick: I will only see you. On top.

Michonne: your favorite position.

Rick: along with a few more I can think of...

Michonne: Do you ever get enough?

Rick: Making up for lost time.

Michonne: Oh yeah?

Rick: What's your favorite.

Michonne: Against the wall.

Rick: I will make sure to put you there after I drop the boys off at school in the morning.

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"Why are you crying?" Rick was concerned as he lay at her entrance. His tip pressing to come in. His body burning to have her, his mind consumed with everything about Michonne and to have her beneath him made him feel like the luckiest person in the world. "Do you want to stop?"

"No. I am just scared."

"Then maybe we should stop until you are comfortable?"

"No. I want this. I just never done it before." Michonne admitted. She allowed Rick to kiss and wipe at her tears.

"I will go slow. Once I am in I will stay still until you tell me you want me to move or pull out. You got to tell me what you want Michonne."

Michonne nodded. Rick went slow. Michonnes back arched off the bed the further Rick penetrated her. When he was officially engulfed by her walls he did what he said-he was still. He gazed down at Michonne looking for any sign, but her eyes were closed as she gasped.

He felt himself twitching against her unrelaxed walls. She was wet and very tight. Just the thought had him tettering on brink of climaxing quickly. "Tell me what you want me to do Michonne?" He was praying it was to continue because he felt her wall responding to him and slowly relaxing around his length. A a painfully tight grip on his shoulder began to relax.

"Move." It was an almost inaudible command.

Rick breath hitched as her hips began undulating under him and she became even more wet. "Michonne...you need to slow that down. You need to..." Rick lost his train of thought again as he slowly matched her rhythm and moaned into her neck.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Mr. Grimes?"

Rick was standing in the garage placing the trash containers back in their respective spots when he turned to the voice that belonged to his son's friend, Andre.

"Yea?"

"Do you mind if I stay here for a while with you and Carl?"

"What's going on, Andre?" Rick could see that the young boy was crying and it alarmed him.

"My dad moved out."

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Rick: I will take the kids to school in the morning.

Michonne: Thank you.

Rick: The least I could do.

Michonne: I am worn out.

Rick: Why is that?

Michonne: :)

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Michonne: I waited for you.

Rick: She came home.

Michonne: Everything ok?

Rick: No.

Michonne: Where are you?

Rick: Standing in the garage pissed off.

Michonne: Stay calm.

Rick: She hid my fucking keys.

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"He's handsome. He said his name's Negan. Everytime I would see him I get this rush of being like a school girl with a crush. He is so well put together. He owns his own company. Sometimes we were on the same flght or in between flights. A couple of time we were in the same hotel. The coincidences was weird."

"Tell me why you were drawn to him. What is/was his appeal to you, Lori?"

"He made me feel beautiful," Lori began to cry.

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"Why are you looking disappointed?"

"It's negative." Rick could not take his eyes off the pregnancy results.

"That's a good thing. I can't imagine wobbling all over campus. Who would take care of the baby? Who would support us so we could take care of it?"

"I would have Michonne."

"Rick, you are barely holding down a job right now. Last thing we need is a baby. Count this as a blessing. We need to be more careful than ever. My parents have paid for Harvard. That is all I got out of them for now. I have nothing else."

"You have me Michonne. Don't I count for something? I moved from King's County to live with you in Massachusettes. I left everything to be with you."

"I didn't ask you to, Rick."

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"Mike, I understand that you are angry but you really need to calm down." Deanna was concerned by the extreme agitation that she was witnessing from Mike.

"Everybody in my God Damn family said they knew that boy wasn't mine."

"No one ever said anything?" Deanna wanted to get as much insight as she could regarding the news that had impacted Mike and his relationship with his wife and son.

"Not one person in my family. Now that the truth is out everyone wants to speak so fucking freely. Whispering behind my damn back for twelve fucking years. I was a damn fool. The only person that would have said something would have been my late Granny Mabel. She would have said something. Shit!"

"You still love Andre, right?"

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"He is not my Dad."

"What?"

"I heard my Mom tell him that he wasn't and she would have a paternity test done for it to sink in that he is not my father."

"Your mother said that?"

"She did sir."

"Carl should be in his room. Go on in. I need to inform your mother that you will be staying here until the dust settles."

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"Michonne parents were coming to visit the apartment. I had to make my self scarce so I went back to King's County where I met Lori."

"How long were you and Michonne together?"

"Until I was almost 26 years old. She was 22 yrs old. I didn't even go to her graduation."

"I am so confused on what happened to you and Michonne."

"I needed Michonne to tell me what she wanted and I don't think it was real clear that she wanted me, or that she wanted us. It was like there was more to her story but she wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't tell me about the pressure from her family. She wouldn't tell me that they were racist to the point of withholding financial means if she didn't do exactly what they wanted when they wanted. She had a family standard to uphold and being with me was considered a blemish."

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Michonne: Hey sexy :)

Rick: Hello

Michonne: Where are you?

Rick: Work.

Michonne: Anything interesting?

Rick: Not a damn thing.

Michonne: I have the boys.

Rick: Good. Behaving?

Michonne: Of course. They are only rowdy with you.

Rick: You have the magic touch as always.

Michonne: Yes. I do.

Rick: I bet your smiling right now.

Michonne: I bet you are too.

Rick: Marry me Michonne...

Michonne: Rick?

Rick: Just tell me what you want and I will do it...

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"Who's his father, Michonne?"

"You are." Michonne began sobbing in her hands.

I was standing outside her front door. I had no words for Michonne. She broke my fucking heart, again.

I wanted to walk away from her but I was livid and heart broken all at once. I forced the door open wider so I could come in. I brushed passed her until we were both standing in the foyer. The seconds that went by made me more livid so I began to pace.

"You are trying to kill me Michonne. That's the only thing I can think of. The only answer I can arrive to. You are trying to fucking send me to an early grave."

"I am not trying to do that Rick." Michonne was wiping at her eyes as her chest heaved.

"You broke my heart. This breaks my heart Michonne. You have no idea how much I loved you then and love you now. No fucking idea do you?"

"I love you just the same, Rick."

"You can't. I refuse to believe that you do. Andre is my son and I have no idea how we are supposed to proceed from this point."


	6. Chapter 6

"That first love. And the first one who breaks your heart. For me, they just happen to be the same person."  
― Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride

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"Glad you were able to attend this session, Rick."

"I am too. Getting stuff off my chest, out of head and not being judged helps."

"Well you had a lot on your chest and in your head. I understand now why you need a person to be straight with you. Clear and concise of what their expectations are for you."

"I never wanted to be wrong with how she wanted me to go about loving her. If I did it my way she would have suffocated."

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I wasn't sure what was going on and why it looked like Andre was living with us. He was in the spare room next to Carl's. I tried to ask Rick but he was vague and he constantly wore the look of despair all over his face. When I offered to go speak to Andre's parents, Rick despair turned into panic and then to full on rage.

"Just stay out of it Lori."

"Why should I stay out of it? I have no idea why he is still here...why isn't he home with his own family?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Grimes, I will leave." Andre turned to go to the back of the house to the room he was staying.

I was absolutely mortified that Andre was standing right there. I didn't know he was right there. I had to apologize.

"What the fuck Lori?" Rick's tone was low and menacing, "Don't you have a fucking plane to catch?"

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I moved in to a small apartment close to the firm. I had been having a hell of a time without Michonne that I began to throw myself completely into my work. I only made time to go to counseling and see my divorce attorney.

Michonne hadn't left the house and I had to call Sasha to check up on her and a cleaning crew to come by and maintain the place. Michonne wouldn't come out the bedroom. She wouldn't open the door. I slid the preliminary divorce document under the bedroom door and left.

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My Bigmama will probably live to be over a hundred easily. When my Grand father passed away, I got my inheritance and I signed it all over to Bigmama and she would give me a stipend if I ever needed money.

I had skimmed over the divorce decree. Mike's attorney was surprised when I requested no financial assistance from Mike and that Mike didn't want custody nor did he want visitation. I signed knowing we were in agreement. I put the house on the market and waited for an offer. Mike couldn't make up his mind if he wanted to move back so he was okay with me staying until it sold and I could find another place.

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"Shane told me to not fool with you because you are in love with someone else, is that true, Rick?"

Lori was twenty four years old and had fallen hard after their one night together even though he was drunk out of his mind.

"Yeah, but she doesn't love me." Rick responded honestly with the worst hangover.

"Yeah that _you love her_ but she doesn't love you?" Lori wanted clarification that only his actions through out the years confirmed. Shane was right.

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Michonne: I want to talk

Rick:...

Michonne: Rick?

Rick: ...

Michonne: are you going to type anything?

Michonne: I've called your phone. Why aren't you picking up?

Rick: I have Andre. I will take and pick him and Carl up from this point forward. I will take him to practice. He has his phone if you want to talk to him and ask him about his day...

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"What does your dad and Andre's mother do when I am not around?" Lori was fishing.

"Nothing really. Nothing he wouldn't do with you if you were home more."

"What?" Lori was startled by this truth, "What do you mean?"

"They take us places. Sometimes it's just Dad. Sometimes it is just Andre's mother. Sometimes it is us four. We do things together."

"Is that so?"

"Are you planning to be mad at Dad?"

"No of course not."

"He never said it was a secret."

"Good, so you can tell me."

"We would have game night every Friday night but then if you were home it was cancelled. Dad would stay home."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Why is everything about Michonne?"

"That's not true." Rick ran his hand nervously through his hair as he gulped another beer in the apartment that he and Michonne shared.

"Daryl and I drove out here to Boston to hang out with you. It's weird that you got to let her know your every whereabouts."

"Because, I don't want her to worry or wonder. She does the same."

Daryl defended, "He is in a fucking relationship. He has already hung out with us majority of the time without Michonne. She's twenty one now. If she wants to come to the club tonight with us I have no problem with it."

"No guarantees that she will come. She is finishing up on her finals." Rick was relieved.

"You don't have to explain shit to Walsh. Please stop doing it and let's bounce."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Daryl has moved in to the basement. Carol put his ass out."

"What happened?" Rick opened his locker and took out his civilian clothes.

"Sasha accepted his Facebook request." Shane bent down to tie his shoes.

"I didn't look Michonne up on Facebook. She lives in the same neighborhood. I stumbled on her when I was on a morning jog."

"Twelve years huh?"

"Yeah."

"The boy that left with her...was that her son?"

"His name is Andre. Carl and Andre struck up a friendship and..."

"How old is her son Rick?"

"Same age as Carl."

"Who's the oldest?"

"Andre by four months."

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"How's your mother doing, Andre?" Rick was tempted to call her. He missed her something awful and he barely ate or slept wondering what she expected him to do.

"Not well sir. I think she is sick."

"Sick?" Rick began to panic knowing there was no one to take care of Michonne and her daily text had lessen to only once and that was yesterday.

"She keeps throwing up. I asked her if she wanted me to call Bigmama and she said..." Andre stopped in mid-sentence as he watched Mr. Grimes abruptly grab his keys off the kitchen counter.

"That woman is going to send me to an early fucking grave." Rick said more to himself as he left the house.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I questioned why Andre was still in our home things went to the left with Rick and I. Not that anything was ever really right since we moved in that community. I just knew if it was Carl, I would hope the parents of the family that he wanted to stay with would reach out to me. I couldn't get Rick to see that. I was gone for two weeks and I found Andre still in our home and the only answer I could get from Carl was that Andre's parents were divorcing.

They were all sitting in the living room watching a movie and discussing what was going on or giving opinions about who was guilty of the crime and why. A commercial was on when I asked and I didn't see any harm in my request for Andre's mother's phone number.

"Sure Ms. Grimes. My mother's phone number is, 7-"

"Stop Andre." Rick commanded abruptly.

"Sir?"

"Your mother's number is saved in my phone." Rick's hand was up to halt Andre from saying anything more and the red face glare was for me when he continued, "If anyone will be calling Michonne it will be me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well maybe you are pregnant Michonne." Rick had no clue how to help his girlfriend who missed two days of classes due to severe nausea.

"I am not pregnant Rick, the test said negative remember. I have a bug it will pass."

"Is there something I can get you?"

"Yes. The waste basket. I don't think I can make it to the bathroom."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A pristine black Bentley pulled up to my home while I was in the front yard with Carl and Andre throwing a foot ball back and forth to each other.

"My Bigmama! Oh my God!" Andre took off running to the Bentley pulling open along side the curb. Andre opened the back passenger side door. His Bigmama was sitting behind the driver.

"How's my baby?"

"Good, Bigmama."

"Is that Mr. Grimes and his son?"

"Yes, Bigmama. Do you want me to introduce you?"

"Not just yet. Come sit by your Bigmama for a minute."

"Yes, Bigmama." Andre climbed inside.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Do you think your parents will work things out?"

"No." Andre said with certainty.

"If you had to choose who would you pick?" Carl stretched his legs out on the floor while Andre was stretched out on the couch waiting for Carl's Dad to get off the phone with his mother to order pizza.

"My mother."

"Why?"

"My Dad never wanted to be a father. I have heard him say it a couple of times. I try to be extra smart, extra fast, extra good at sports hoping he would change his mind. He's not like your Dad you could suck and he would still be proud of you. Like how you suck at Math."

"My Dad is weird like that."

"I wish I had a Dad like yours. I would love to know what it feels like to relax on the daily, Yo."

"You are here enough, the side effects of the chill life should be trickling down on ya Yo." The two boys began to laugh and their back and forth banter began with algebra equations to lyrics to rap songs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Rick, are you crazy? What if Lori see your Tattoo now that you shaved?" The look of worry was evident on Michonne's face as she sat in the middle of the hotel room queen bed with Rick's t-shirt on and her dreads down and tousled about her shoulders. The necklace he gave her when she was sixteen was around her neck. He had retrieved it from his box to re-gift it back to his excited love that was happy to receive it again.

Rick crawled on the bed with her. His nude body no longer on display as he pulled Michonne down on him, "Just like the necklace, I wanted you see that it is still in pristine condition. Just like the tattoo of the katana with your name. You shaved yours so I could see the colt..."

"After all these years Lori has never seen it?" Michonne found it unbelievable.

"Lori isn't as sexually explorative like you are Michonne. In twelve years she never tried to peer through my pubic hair to see that I belong to you. I haven't had sex with Lori since we started back up and it's been over seven months now."

"She is okay with not having sex for that length of time?"

"I haven't had a conversation about it. I just turn over and dream of you."

"What if..."

"I belong to you Michonne. I don't know how to make it any clearer."

"I haven't had sex with Mike either. He is getting annoyed. I just can't stand for him to touch me."

"Good."

"Good what?"

"I am glad he is annoyed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Lori! Your issue is not with Michonne. Your issue is with me. I am your husband."

"You had her in our home. Around our son like it was nothing Rick. Nothing. What kind of example are you for our son?"

"I am sorry." Rick had no idea what else to say.

"You are not Rick because, if I hadn't put two and two together, you would still be feigning ignorance."

"I want to end this."

"End what Rick?"

"This. Us. Our marriage. I am done. I don't want to do this anymore." Rick was sure of one thing in that moment, what ever game Michonne was playing he was done keeping up the façade just because she wouldn't tell him exactly what she wanted. He knew in that moment he was tired and that he needed to breathe and the only way to do that was to be straight forward.

"What was the reason for the counseling?" Lori froze confused.

"I have no fucking idea but, when I get the answer you will be the first to know." The thought of Michonne being able to convince him to do the most absurd frustrated him especially when he had no desire to continue the marriage with Lori. He had no idea why he was in counseling.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rick: I am outside ringing your door bell.

Michonne: Leave.

Rick: Open up Michonne.

Michonne: No.

Rick: I will break the fucking door down Michonne if you don't open up.

Michonne: I am mess, Rick.

Rick: I will break the fucking doo...

The sound of the door unlocking caused Rick to stop texting his threat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I had no idea what was going on in that car and I felt some type of way about Andre just jumping in the back seat even though he gave indication that he knew who it was. I told Carl to go in the house and get washed up while I strolled over to the vehicle and tapped on the back window of the Bentley.

Andre opened the door and I could see what looked to be a grey haired elderly woman rubbing his back as he sobbed.

"What's wrong Andre?" I was alarmed to see him crying.

"I just told him you are his father." The woman's voice was void of sadness even though it was warm and she spoke matter of fact. "I asked him to forgive me for coming between you and his mother so many years ago."

In that moment I couldn't help but feel every single broken piece of my heart in my chest. I didn't realize I began to heave until that strange sound left me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was in hysterics. I couldn't calm down. I hadn't seen Rick in three weeks. Not since I confirmed to him he was Andre's father. He would barely answer my text and he definitely wouldn't answer my calls. I love Rick with all my being. Every fiber of my body belonged to him.

I thought that stress was causing me to be ill. It was like a wave of never ending nausea. I convinced my self that I had the twenty four hour flu that just so happened to last longer than a day. I thought I would be able to get a handle on this yucky feeling on my own. I couldn't hold down any liquids for long.

I wouldn't even let Sasha in. I lied and told her I was contagious. I was a mess. She had her own drama with Daryl and she understood enough to accept that we could only text and respected that I needed time. How much? I didn't know.

I was glad that Andre came home even if it was to pick up more clothes. He brought a case of water to my room and I told him if I wasn't better by morning to call Bigmama for me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Go inside Andre and get washed up." Rick finally released Andre from his embrace. "I will be there in a few minutes. Make sure you tell Carl I said to actually have the water hit his skin."

"Yes, sir."

Rick slid in next to Bigmama and they both watched Andre disappear inside of the house.

"No one can say that he is not your son."

"Did Michonne plan this?"

"No. She called for me to come and see about her. She told me the mess her life was in and I knew there was no way to deliver the news. Not by you and not by Michonne with out one of you being hated. I rather it be me. His Bigmama take the blame."

"But it was your fault."

"No. It was years of conditioning to believe things to be a certain way and to deviate was more than detrimental for Michonne. I had to advise her to err on the side of caution. Don't put all your money on one pony kind of thing. But I see you two got some strange kind of love for each other. An obvious forever kind of thing I sense. Still at it. I guess you would have been that pony out of million to put all her money on but, we didn't know it at the time and there was no way I was going to allow her to risk it. If her Grand Daddy would have known she would have been out of more money than you could ever make in a 100 lifetimes. No two ways about it. Her mother and father will be here next week."

"I have never met them."

"I know. They are concerned about Andre and they are concerned about their daughter. I would hope you figured out what you plan to do with your wife or at least have a decent enough answer for them. I hate to out live them both if you don't respond just right."

"I have so many questions." Rick's mind was on overload he couldn't think of one or where to start.

"When you think of them you will find me at Michonne's. Good evening Mr. Grimes."


	7. Chapter 7

"And then his lips were on mine and we were in it, pulling away from the past and rushing fast into the future."  
― Renee Carlino, Before We Were Strangers

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rick: What are you wearing?

Michonne: Where are you?

Rick: Work.

Michonne: I'm wrapped in a towel.

Rick: What color?

Michonne: Blue.

Rick: Did it just hit the floor?

Michonne: Yes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

There wasn't any yelling. No tears shed at all. Not then. Not at that moment.

I could only stand there and watch Rick stuff some of his clothes in his duffle bag. He was purposely avoiding eye contact as he walked passed me to go to the bathroom to get all of his toiletries.

"What are we going to tell Carl?" I asked trying to stall him.

"I've already talked to Carl." Rick halted in front of me because I blocked the bedroom door. He would literally have to brush pass me to get by and it was something he was trying to avoid. Physical contact with me.

"And?"

"He's not happy. What kid would be when..."

"I didn't ask for any of this Rick."

"I know."

"I am willing to accept it. I am willing to accept Andre if that is what it would take for you to reconsider. He is a good kid. He didn't ask for any of it. He's innocent in all this and Carl shouldn't have to be punished for what was in the past. They could be together. Actual brothers. I am willing Rick."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So you're the one that knocked up my Baby Girl?" The older man tried to get a good look at Rick as they clasped hands in a firm handshake. Rick wasn't sure if Michonne's father was referencing Andre or the current pregnancy.

Michonne's mother smiled warmly, "Your daughter is hardly a baby, Albert."

"Glad to finally meet you, sir."

"I am surprised that you two are back in each other lives. The way God conspires is beyond our true understanding."

"I would say so." Rick stated as he glanced at Michonne who was biting her thumb nail as she leaned against the foyer wall.

Rick tried to relax in Ms. Benton's embrace, she had foregoed a handshake when Rick reached out to shake her hand.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What are you doing here?"

"I need a place to stay." Rick stood on the porch step with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

"Denise will divorce me for sure," Shane stepped aside to let Rick come inside of his much older home where it didn't matter if you parked your car on the lawn. "Daryl, you got a room mate."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I bought a new car and drove through Alexandria Commons. I saw Andre. He didn't see me but, I saw him and the man Michonne's pregnant by playing one on one basketball. They had a portable hoop in the driveway. The guy was laughing as he watched Andre dodge him and toss the ball in the air making the shot. There was no doubt they shared the same genes. They made more sense.

I didn't feel envy which for anyone on the outside looking in would think, 'hmmm'. I felt relief. Relief that Andre was going to be okay and I didn't need to be in the way of that. I finally made it to Alexandria Estates, to my home. There was a sale sign in the lawn. I had rung the doorbell and Michonne handed me the signed divorce papers. I didn't go inside. She didn't ask me to come in. She had a glow despite appearing unwell. I had no words. Words came freely through text when dealing with Michonne but in that moment the finality of it all struck me mute.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I am here Michonne."

This woman had the ability to make me care so much that I could break something- _Anything_ but I cared too much about her _and_ I _knew_ she didn't like the destruction of things because she didn't like to have to replace things unless _she_ was destroying shit.

"Are you still mad at me?"

I ignored her question. I wanted to keep the distance between her and I. A small part wanted to keep the distance and it was losing against the majority of my emotions which was if Michonne said jump, I would have. I loved her intensely and being in the foyer with her reaffirmed it over and over again. This woman was my life line.

"What's going on? Andre said you were sick. Have you gone to the doctor?"

"I keep messing things up with us." Michonne wiped the tears from her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Have you gone to the doctor or have you made an appointment with a doctor, Michonne?"

"Yes. Big mama's driver took me."

"Negative or positive?" I took a stab in the dark that I knew what was wrong with her because she looked like what she did almost thirteen years ago.

"Positive."

I felt every emotion when my eyes connected with hers. "Positive?"

"Yes."

"It's my baby, right?" My voice cracked. I stepped to her. I knew the answer but I needed to hear her say it. I needed this woman to help fix this broken heart of mine.

"Just like Andre."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sasha accepted my facebook request six months ago. I was just curious is all. I wanted to know what she was up to and if life was kind to her. We began messaging back and forth. Innocent. Just catching up. I was surprised that she never got married. We went down memory lane and before we knew it we were creating new ones."

"Are you giving me the long condensed version?" Rick glanced over at Daryl who was occupying the same room. They both had their own twin bed. Daryl was lying on his back staring at the ceiling.

"The more condensed version, we started up and no matter how much Carol threatened to divorce me, I couldn't stop seeing Sasha, being with her."

"Have you stopped?"

"Hell, no. I am like a puppy at her beckon call. How about you?"

"Not until the Casket drop and I'm in it which would be the only way Michonne would get a way from me now, especially knowing, I have a son with her."

"Yeah?"

"Andre is my son." Rick was more than use to the idea of Andre being his son. He had already informed his parents who were shocked and thrilled to have a grandson and a future grandbaby on the way even though they were disappointed in how it all came about. The pending divorce from Lori was news that they had to sit down to hear.

"Shane said it. He called that shit."

"She's pregnant too."

"What the fuck? You fucking know how to one up a person."

"I asked Lori for a divorce. What about you, you and Carol going to work through it?"

"I am still stuck at Michonne's pregnant by your ass again."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Michonne stepped into the club. I didn't know she was going to actually come because she had finals but she arrived two hours later.

I caught sight of her and watched her get hit on instantly. There was one guy not taking the hint that she wasn't interested. The guy was persistent. Twice my size but I didn't give a shit. I saw two things, him grabbing her arm and Red.

Shane and Daryl had my back because that guy had some friends with him. We caused a big brawl and I spent the night in jail and almost lost my job.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I can't imagine my life with anyone else."

"Yeah?"

"I keep thinking about the past, retracing my steps, things I didn't say, didn't do...I don't think I want to endure twelve minutes without you Michonne."

"You asked me what I want you to do...I want you to tell her. I want you to belong to me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Michonne: I am changing my phone number.

Rick: Why are you changing your number?

Michonne: Because your wife won't stop.

Rick: What?

Michonne: I am going to have to make my presence known Rick.

Rick: Calm down.

Michonne: I can only be so many bitch this and that.

Rick: ...

Michonne: I am not a whore. I am not a tramp.

Rick: ...

Michonne: You need to tell her Rick.

Rick: ...

Michonne: I am pissed.

Rick: I just texted her.

Michonne: I am calling you right now and your better pick up.

Rick picked up on the first ring, "I need you to calm down. I can't have you all stressed when you are going to have my baby."

Lori couldn't believe her ears, "What the fuck Rick? Michonne's pregnant?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Deanna handed Lori a tissue, "Rick and I hadn't been intimate in a long time. I didn't know how we got where we were and I didn't know how to fix it. I just felt that the rejection of initiating sex would hurt more than anything so, when he turned his back to me, I turned mine."

"Have you ever sought intimacy from anyone outside your marriage, Lori?"

"I kissed someone but I felt so guilty I couldn't continue. I was lonely but my vows to Rick were important. More important than finding gratification outside our marriage even though the temptation was wearing me thin. I began to justify my emotional attachement to the other person. I blamed Rick for everything that was wrong to the point that I couldn't see what was right. I kept hearing his voice telling me I wasn't his soul mate..."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"That was our Rent money!" Michonne yelled.

"I am sorry Michonne."

"I have no idea where we are going to get the money to replace what I had to use to get you out of jail. You have any suggestions Rick?...Of course not." Michonne slammed the bedroom door leaving Rick standing in the living room feeling dejected that he did not make the right decision about moving to Boston.

XXXXXXXX

"Carl has been suspended."

"What?"

"Well, if you answered your phone you..."

"Lori, I don't have time for your shit. What happened?"

"I am surprised your, _Michonne_ didn't tell you that _Andre_ was suspended too for fighting."

"Fighting each other?"

"Oh, yeah. Carl has a black eye and Andre a bloody nose. I called her and gave her a piece of my mind..."

"Shit. Why the fuck you do that?" Rick ran his hands through his hair and he shifted his weight from one leg to the other with his one hand on his hip. He was still dressed in his uniform. The enormity of getting Michonne riled outweighed any care he had for Lori. He glanced at his watch and the last text from Michonne. He knew shit was about to go down.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I will not apologize for wanting the best for my daughter. Back then, it was essential that she complete her schooling and make a name for herself. She was on the education fast track and that was where I wanted her to remain. No distraction. When she was pregnant, we knew full well that wasn't Mike's baby but no one spoke on it. For Michonne to stay married as long as she had was a surprise to us all and more surprising that you two are back together." Mr. Benton looked from Michonne and Rick. "I can give you my line of thinking but I can not apologize. I will say that I am happy to hear that you will step in and raise your son, Andre. You make Michonne the happiest I have seen her. She has a glow about her. Nothing I ever seen when Mike was around."

"Rick, I share the same sentiment as my husband. Education was very important and still is to our family. What does break my heart is that you missed out on being with Andre. Years you can't get back and I agree with my husband that we are so very happy that you are going to help raise Andre and the _new_ baby." Ms. Benton glanced over to her husband who was sitting next to her on the sofa to gauge his reaction to the news that their daughter shared with her before their arrival.

"New baby?!"

"Yes, Daddy and **yes** , Rick's the father."

"You can't keep knocking up my daughter..." Mr. Benton voice boomed.

"Michonne has said she will marry me sir."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was absolutely furious. Andre was in the backseat crying as I drove straight to Rick's house. I knew Rick didn't live there anymore but, I didn't give a shit. I never met Lori before and when I saw her she was a non factor based on what I was trying to achieve. I would deal with her Bitch this and whore that on another day.

"Come on out the car Andre."

Fear was evident on Rick's face as I strolled pass both him and Lori. I went in their home and yelled for Carl to come from out of his room.

Lori was shocked , "Excuse me but..."

Rick positioned himself in a way to protect Lori from me without being obvious.

"Rick you are just going to allow this? This is disrespectful to me!" Lori face was full of shock.

I was listening to hear Rick's response and he was smart to not have one at all.

Carl came out of his room and met us in the foyer. I didn't bother to acknowledge Lori, "What is this? I need you to explain to me how all of sudden you and Andre are enemies. Help me understand it?"

Carl avoided eye contact as he tried to explain. Carl and I have spent so much time together and he knew that I expected an answer and he tried to formulate all his confusing thoughts and feelings, "I thought we were going to be happier living here and we move here and it is changing and I wanted to blame Andre for it..."

"Do you really think Andre deserves the blame?" I waited for a response.

"No, Ma'am."

"You both have something in common and as brothers you should be helping each other transition, not fight each other. You should be able to express what your feeling in a constructive way. Fighting is not constructive and keeping it bottled up inside isn't either. I know your Dad wants to help you Carl as do I."

"And, I don't want to help?" Lori was indignant.

I pretended I couldn't hear her. "What do you think you both should say to each other right about now?"

"I am sorry Andre."

"I am sorry Carl."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"How much money are we talking about?"

"A lot Rick."

"How much is a lot? Roughly?"

"I am not sure." Michonne shrugged.

"Tell me the amount that you are almost sure of. Is it over a million dollars?"

Michonne nodded.

"Over 5 million?"

Michonnne nodded.

"Over..."

"What does it matter?"

"Where did your family get the money?"

"Bigmama won't really say. She keeps telling me to watch Boardwalk Empire. She said the prohibition was very lucrative. Bigmama says the rest comes from education and making the right investments."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Negan was my first lover after the divorce from Rick. I fell in love with him. We were seeing each other when our schedules coincided during our business travels. One day I got a call from his wife. I was stunned. I tried to call him and at first my calls were going to his voicemail until it was no longer his number. I figured out where he lived and went to his city. I rented a car. He didn't see me. He was with his four sons in the front yard. One on a big wheel. His wife was holding a water hose. She saw me.

I am jaded. They all cheat. If given a chance, they all do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, what do we do now?" Rick asked as he escorted Michonne from the doctors office with their ultra sound in hand.

"The boys are at summer camp. I was thinking we go house hunting."

"That would be nice to surprise the boys when we go to pick them up with new living arrangements." Rick mused.

"No... _our_ home. I plan to spend the rest of my life with you Mr. Grimes. You were my first everything. I belong to you. I got a tattoo to prove it."

"I plan to spend the rest of my life with you Mrs. Michonne Grimes. You were my first and and definitely my last. I belong to you. Got a tattoo to prove it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Deanna's book was a best seller but it had mixed reviews. She turned off the recording and put a way her notes as she signed out of her computer. She got up from her desk and turned the lights off to her office. Satisfied with her closing remarks...

'Infidelity is strengthen by so many options at our fingertips, it lives in the accessiblity of technology and our hidden desires of things unresolved in our past or dreams for the future not just in the present dissatisfaction we find in our lives. Infidelity, sneaks up on all of us and impacts everyone no matter how minute. No way to avoid it. We as humans need to be conscious of the signs'.

Deanna Monroe


End file.
